12

I'm in that deep kindda sleep where you have have to swim to the surface,and in the distance the phone is ringing....
I am coming if I could just wake up.

Ouch! Pain! oh no pain is not good. Wake up!Ouch!

Ring. Ring...
"Hello. No. Hi I don't feel so good..." its Patrica Hubner talking to me about Girls Camp for some reason but I'm in pain and there is blood.

We are driving in the car. Scott is speeding, but we sit in quite. I look at my dress and wonder if this is the dress I will lose my baby in. Bleeding like this at 13 weeks is not good.

Fight baby! Fight! Do you hear me? I am your Mother. I heard your strong heartbeat, so you FIGHT!

Dr. Fichter brings us into a room...there are a lot of Drs. there. Dr. Harvy stands, shakes my hand and says something...it's an echo. I can hear a lady complaining outside in the waiting room for waiting too long.

I look around and can immediately tell there is not a consensus in the room. Fichter, Harvy and Stookie vs the Dr. Whats Her Mean Women and two others.

Dr. Fichter tells us my sac had ripped off my uterus wall with an 11cm + tear. I lost part of my placenta.
The baby needs the placenta. What will you do baby if I don't give you a placenta? Please God get Baby a placenta.

...viability...abortion...inevitable abortion either we take care of it or let nature...risk to mother.... risk to fetus...

I'm a visitor.... there- but not there. I'm... didn't know it but....I am weeping...they are talking to me...I have no idea what they are saying. I feel the cold tears and warm blood again. Dr. Fichter stands up and says he feels it will be fine....he looked at me in the eyes and said for me to do exactly what he counsels...TRUST HIM...summons me to bed rest. I hemorrhaged for the next 20wks.

Fight Baby. FIGHT!

I went to labor at 24 wks they stopped it, I counted milestones of survival out side of the womb. Weeks decreased and % of survival went up. 33wks my sac could no longer hold Baby.
He was born before the Drs could arrived. Delivered by a nurse and his Dad.
He made it! I held him a few seconds before they whisked him away to the NICU. He made it. I heard his cry..I held him. I held our son.


He is two yrs old and can not breathe. His lungs are too filled.....I hear his pleading gasps again and again. There is no longer rhythm in his gasps. He is too tired He is too sick to go to the hospital, so they come to us.

oxygen tent, ......nebulizers, secondary infections.... I am watching this in a fog...slow motion...fog.
"Say your good byes he may not make it through the night."
The Heck he wont. FIGHT BABY FIGHT! I will hold you but I am your Mother and today is NOT the day you will die. You have beaten odds before...DO IT again. Please God bless him to FIGHT."

He is twelve and he is reciting Paul.

.... we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things....
He is saying his good byes to primary with this song

I KNOW MY SAVIOR LOVES ME

I can't believe the words. His testimony to song.
He is healthy, sooo smart, thriving, happ, living and loving life.

Next week I will watch him be ordained in the Aaronic Priesthood. I could not be prouder of my son....I am humbled to be your Mom
Happy Birthday Seth.