Yesterday my Father in law,Joe, and I had an adventure getting the chickens. Two really.
He cam over bright and early in his pick up truck. He helped finalize the coop because Sunday Scott had to report to Pageant 24/7 for the next 3 weeks. Alex is doing Scott"s second job and Matt is picking up tons of hours and two stores.
We got a dog crate and off we went in his pick up. My brother in law,Patrick,followed just in case.
Sunday I taught about patience. Funny his driving soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo slow would make me need that lesson. Since we had a longer time in the truck than expected, we talked. We joked about how we would heard the hens. We joked about the rain and the hens being in the back of the pickup. That by time us 'city folk' got them home, they would be scared, wet and soooo windblown that they probably be bald.
He told me about going to his Grandmothers house to eat chicken dinner and exactly what that meant- and how it effected him to see a chicken die. He felt for other chickens watching the slaughter. He told me of their.
I passed by a friends house that has lost a lot of money in the recent stock market..so I asked if he was alright.
That opened flood gates that I would have NEVER expected. He is tired. He said over and over. How he 'didn't have it in him to go to UT this summer for Kristen.'
The house he has loved for over 40 yrs has finally too much. He spoke of how it is a burden now. He has actually given a lot of thoughts of where he can go. He has looked in to places, but is held back.
For many reasons. All of them include me in one way or another
and he wants a wood working shop. 'Can't have them in THOSE places."
So we started to talk him moving in here.
Sigh.
The process overwhelms me.
We, together with Scott and contractor Mike,came up with a plan to make his own 'apartment' and a woodshop. He could be part of the family when he chooses and escape the chaos when he wants.....and have his shop to work.
Seems perfect......
It won't be.
Joe has issues. Ones that can be....frustrating. He hoards, he...call it what you want 'depression era mentality', family trait whatever. Barbara asked Scott to help him with that before she died...meaning he doesn't shower or if he does doesn't wash the clothes that he was wearing puts them back on. He has some medical issues that I have helped him in the past few yrs more and more with, but....
I would have to go through his house with Scott and get it ready to sell. Their are ceilings that need to be fixed, paint needed, mechanical things that need attention, and like I say he hoards. Then the selling the house part......I can't breathe thinking about it.
I love him.
He has done so much for all of us. He has allowed all of his children back in his home when they were grown,some through really tough times.
Why me? He has other daughters and a son. Most with their plates less full than I.
They all have their excuses most.... valid. I have mine too.
Joe and I talked and he is tired. I love him.
I am not sure why he thinks coming to this house "tired " is going to make it better. I am tired being at this house.
We will talk about this more
I am seriously asking you what you think.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
So would you do it?
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7 comments:
Heather, he obviously thinks a lot of you and has a great deal of trust in you. Yes there are 'others' he could go to, but you are the one that he is comfortable with. Do you what you can on your own... pray for the support you need and let it all happen as it may. My love to you all.
Roo :)
Prayer!! You can always list the pros and cons, but in the end, you'll be inspired to make the right decision for your entire family (including Joe).
If it works out, what an amazing blessing for your kids and Scott.
That's my 2 cents.
I think he comes to you because you can do it, you are more than capable and willing. He trusts you and he knows that you will accept him as who he is. Will that be easy on you? Not a chance. Will it be worth it? Damn straight.
I honestly thought, no way, you have more than enough to handle for just one person, but now that I'm thinking about it. I think you should. After saying that, I think you need to pray about it and really let go of any guilt or feelings of "I owe it to him" and just listen for the answer.
When I come this summer, I would like to help Grandpa too. Maybe we can make it a family project or something to help clean up his house.
Send him over here.. He won't like it much!
Thanks Becca but if we do it , we will do it on Grandpa's time table.....
Conrad- lol.
I don't think of it as I owe him, or he asked me instead of another child. He stays for Vic and we are permanent. Susan says they are moving after the kids graduate
It is hard I will not deny it. I bet it is even harder with a parent than with a Great Grandparent like I have here. I will say, you need to make sure that you really take your time to re-charge. It makes it easier to enjoy the good rather than resent the bad parts of something like this. I am glad you asked him, he probably wouldn't have said anything otherwise. It will be easier in the long run because when he needs more help, he will be right there and it is better to make this kind of move before you are forced to, I think anyway. Talk to the rest of the family and figure out ways that they can help- whether that be monetary if that is a concern or having him vacation away with them for short periods of time to give you a break. I think a separate living area and place for his hobby is such an ideal situation. Good luck and yes, of course pray!
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