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On Augustine Street if you went up the stairs and walk straight ahead,that was her room. There was white embossed wallpaper...white on white.

To your left was her Depression Era waterfall wood grain dresser with a mirror. I have the lace thingy that was on top. The second drawer down in the far right corner was where she "hid" her secret stash of goodies. Mostly jelly beans. Rumor has it when I was little, I sat quietly in front of that dresser for an hour waiting for her to give me a binky. I find it hard to believe cuz I was/am not a quiet person and although determined...I am not patient so....

Straight ahead were two windows that showed the neighbors dark green house. I can't remember if there was another tall dresser in the middle of those two windows.... my mind says yes....and no.

To the far right of the room was her closet and a night stand. Then there was her bed.
That bed was magical. I would go there when I needed.....something. The room smelled of her perfume...the one with the swan on it...maybe it was called Vanderbilt.The bed though oh that bed was....was a hug, but not just a normal hug. More like .......an all encompassing escape with comfort that defies words. Everything was alright when I was on her bed.

I was on her bed when Peter Donnor kissed Jeni..not me. Again I was there after the car fell on my brother and he begged me to lift it up. I was there when Ms. Lilly died, when Kelly Kyle moved away, my classmate, Frank Bruno died in the cat walks of Vets Bridge and when Lisa set the window curtian on fire with a Christmas candle.

Bruce told us all to go there when he and Mark were babysitting and masked men came.

I was there all the countless days my "father " failed to show up for visitation.


I rolled/jumped on the blankets on happy days too. John Hockensen kissed me in his garage, when I won a ribbon at the fair for my quilted 4H pillow, when Bobby Rivers and Todd -can't remember his last name starts with a "G" Jeni and I won the team event in the big field over at Aquinas in the neighborhood Olympics. Or after the oldest women in the world took us to see the Nutcracker ballet.

I wondered if it was annoying to her. It was to me until last night. I didn't get it until last night. Often I come to my room to find Bionicales under the sheets, the TV on ESPN, dirty dishes. I would trip on shoes the size of canoes or bras that have not been my size in a long time...
What is the unspoken pain or joy? Do they get the same comfort?

It occurred to me last night and memories flooded in when.... once again..... I carried my child to his bed and he mumbled something abt wanting to take my pillow with him to avoid a dream because it had my "peach smell."

In the wee hours, this time at 2791....my house,History was repeating or at least....
carrying on.