19

I thought it was 20, but I was wrong. 19. I am usually wrong about the date too.
Today we have been married 19 yrs.
I always think is the 5th. We were married in Toronto on the 3rd,but our reception was on the 5th.

So what has it been like?
Hard. Fun. Amazing. Hard. Indifferent, Fun and Eternal. Sometimes you just gotta laugh.
I have a hard time being married. I blame it on the fact that I still have issues with my sperm donor of a father abandoning me not once, but twice. I also blame it on after one of my pregnancies I got PPD so bad that I have never been the same. I was, at that time, suicidal. Deborah Pulley literally saved my life and I am not even sure she knows it. I have been really struggling with hormones ever since.
I also blame it on a struggle that Scott is going through. Family genetics
And
Life is just plain hard.... bills, schooling, lay off, death of parents, baby in NICU and a unfinished house. Not to mention getting our children to be good kids, learning what they need to and should,giving love and attention they deserve.



All of that can take a toll.
But Scott and I talk our way through things, and when we get stuck we seek help.
and we talk.
Scott is calm where I am wired. Scott can make me laugh, and see the big picture.
He is a good father. He cuddles and balances my iron fist with telling me to breathe.
He loves me for who I am and knows my goals.
I understand who he is and love him very much. I believe in him.
I am not going to lie, there have been times where I was headed out the door or he was....even recently. But it comes down to a few simple things.

We love each other.
We have a family.
We don't want to give up. We will never give up, ever!
We are eternal companions... not death do ye part
So happy 19 and here is to...


and many many more